The Awkward Diaries: Rejection and Loneliness

17 Apr

Hi folks. I should warn you all now that this isn’t so much a sexual post per se but rather a post about me feeling a bit dumpy, a bit trackie-dacks-and-icecream-on-the-couch and a little bit marathon-of-A-Walk-To-Remember but ultimately, a little bit lonely.

We all feel it at one time or another- it’s part of life. Lately though, my own loneliness has been because of my status with a few close mates of mine, so I thought what better than to make an Awkward Diary about it because hey, there are times when we’re just thinking I IZ FOREVAH ALONNNNE and the interwebz just isn’t giving us the advice we want, so sit back in your favourite pair of flanellette jammies, grab that one litre tub of chocolate-cherry ripple (om nom motherfucking nom) and take a gander at the words of someone who knows how you feel.

The Awkward Diaries: Rejection and Loneliness

Like I said before, we all feel it at some point. Some of us feel it when we don’t feel our loved ones are paying enough attention to us while others feel downtrodden if the object of their affection returns their feelings with significantly less enthusiasm than hoped. I myself belong to the latter category.

I could go through scores of tales where my adoration goes unrequited; hey, it contributed to the body issues I had before The American showed me that once you get naked with someone, they’re not analysing the many things you find wrong with your body, but in this case I’ll write about a recent experience I had with a friend called Mops.

Mops and I have known eachother for a good 10 years and during that entire time, he’s always been this nice, polite, odd kind of guy. He’s the kind of guy who can have a drink with you, dance with you, make you laugh and console you later when you’re having a drunken cry (yeah, he’s done that.) Anyway, lately we’ve been hanging out a lot for some reason that’s somewhat inexplicable but appreciated- our chinwags have been notorious for going into the wee hours and it’s gotten to the stage where he’s one of my trusted confidante whenever life is flipping me the bird. He’s a mate, and a very good one at that.

However lately there has been some mild flirtation going on, mainly due to our mutual honesty about our sexual histories and it’s refreshing to finally find someone who is curious about what I’m into, why I’m into it and why I derive pleasure from it (he’s so vanilla and innocent :) ). Because of that, the notion of us seeing one another for a good ol’ round of shagging came up. I didn’t answer right away, opting to ask myself a shit ton of questions along the lines of ‘Will this ruin a good friendship or strengthen it’ and later caved in…but not before he nabbed a girlfriend. As you can imagine, it was back to celibacy for me.

In a state of being iron willed, bought on by watching Easy A a couple of times, I decided I wasn’t going to let this Tim-and-Dawn faux pas come in the way of a good friendship, nor was I going to sink to the same lows as I did with Major; as long as she made him happy then that was the main thing. I hung out, chatted, laughed, confided, had him confide in me and it was just like normal. And then about a couple of weeks back, they split.

Well, as you can imagine two things rocketed through my mind. The first being ‘Aw, poor dear…wonder how he’s feeling? :(” and the second being “HOLYFUCKINGSHIT HE’S SINGLE! How long should I wait until I ask him out? :D :D :D”. I know, a tad disgraceful considering but instead of acting upon the latter, I listened to the former and to Mops as he retold the events leading to his breakup. He wasn’t absolutely distraught or anything so I offered to have a dance with him at the birthday celebrations of a mutual friend which were only just hours away.

Fast forward to the party- Mops is in significantly higher spirits (despite Major being in tow and criticising his outfit to the point of where he had to change; I was pissed at him for that) and we’ve all had turns tearing it up on the dancefloor, drink in hand. It was my first real clubbing experience and to be honest it took me a little while to piss my inhibitions to the wind and get loose; I’m more of a close-mates-and-movies kind of gal. But nonetheless I was having a pretty ok time until I started to get tired and bored; there’s only so many times you can listen to the same doof-doof tune and the same was played three times throughout the night. Way to go DJ.

Mops came over and sat next to me, all worried that I was sitting alone. The music was that loud that our following conversation was typed out onto our phones and shown to the other. I explained that I was getting a little bored and he explained his own grievances, one of them being that he was still unsure of what was going to happen with his ex. Maybe this was a stupid move but I kind of saw an opportunity and suggested:

“How about I take your mind off it?”

What happened next you might ask? Did it pan out smoothly as hoped?

“Sorry, I’m going to see what happens with my ex.”

And cue the dow-DOW music you hear on gameshows.

Of course I tried to cover my tracks, all “I was going to ask you for a dance but hey…” but even still, I did feel a little bit dejected. Not immediately hysterical, but even so, no one likes getting turned down.

So the rest of the night I was a bit bummed. Major was still doing a great job of pissing me off, but that may have been me being shitty already being made even shittier by his mere presence. I was soon taken home by a sober male friend who felt equally awkward in the club and after that, it was a little better; stimulating, intelligent conversation about film, art, music and books tends to do that to me. However, the day after I began to feel the pangs of loneliness as I thought about how long it’s been since I’ve had the company of another who’s seen me as something different than being “such a good friend that [I’m] like a sister!”

But…at that moment, my dog who is an affectionate, strange little guy jumped up next to me and started rubbing up against my leg, demanding backrubs and looking up at me with Puss in Boots eyes. It was then that I realised this:

I am needed and I am loved.

And the Lesson Here Kids is….

Rejection is shitty. Pure and simple. What’s even worse is not getting over it and moving on. You feel humiliated? Trust me, you’re not the only one who’s felt really small after having someone say they’re not interested in them. I myself have gone through a good 7 rejections, not including the above and with a far more brutal execution of said rejection. It sucks, but you’re not going to feel this way forever.

The first thing you have to do though is get feeling like crap out of the way. For me this includes curling up on the couch with icecream in trackies in front of a good movie with the iPod chockers full of mood music:

Good Mood Movies:

• Anything that makes you howl with laughter- it really is the best medicine. For me that’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Wedding Singer, Don’s Party, Along Came Polly, Wayne’s World 1 and 2 and Mrs Doubtfire to name a couple (seriously, I have so many movies!).
• A good teary if you just want to allow yourself to be sad for a bit to get it all out. I recommend I Am Sam for maximum bawling (cried credits-to-credits).
• Feel goods, no matter how cheesy they are- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Easy A, even The Banger Sisters!
• Your favourite because let’s face it, you’re hardly going to be disappointed by your favourite movie! Even Romeo and Juliet begins with Romeo being down in the dumps about his original love Rosaline buggering off to become a nun before BAM! He finds the girl he loves completely!

Good Mood Music:

Of course it depends on your music taste but here are a few songs I’ve thrashed away rejection:

• Soldiers by You Am I- my favourite song by my favourite band ever.
• I’d Never Write a Song About You by Wheatus- helped me through the ‘fuck you’ times.
• Furry Walls by Infant Sorrow- ok, it’s a movie band but I effing love this song!
• Save Me San Francisco by Train
• Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmerelda
• Suffragette City by David Bowie
• Yes/No by Jason Walker
• Better Let Go by The Pictures
• Born for the Nightlife by Declan and the Antics
• Ballroom Blitz by the Sweet
• Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie
• When Yer Sad by Tim Rogers
• Come Undone by Robbie Williams- if tears set in….
• Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners- Kevin Rowland makes everything better.
• Piano Man by Billy Joel
• Female of the Species by Space
• Dinosaors by Tim Rogers and Tex Perkins
• Back in Black by ACDC
• Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones
• Draggin’ Yer Bones by You Am I
• Like Humans Do by David Byrne
• Goodnight Boys by Tim Rogers
• Cigarettes and Suitcases by Something for Kate
• Good Mornin’ by You Am I
• She’s got Issues by The Offspring- I’m a sucker for early 00’s skate punk.
• Rose Tint My World from the Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen
• Friends Like You by You Am I
• Lonely No More by Rob Thomas
• We’re Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister
• One by U2
• Ballrooms of Mars by T-Rex
• Can’t Smile Without You by Sean Beal
• Play That Funky Music White Boy by Wild Cherry
• Gunslingers by You Am I
• Beer by Psychostick- literally impossible not to smile during this.
• Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones
• Open All Night by You Am I

I know. I’m a tad biased but hey, I love You Am I!

So I hope those help. The last thing to do (which will be hard I’ll warn you) is to count your blessings. You do have people that do love you and appreciate you- hey, one’s right here *hugs*! Just because one person turns you down does not mean that you are in any way undesirable and for the record, it’s their loss. You’ll find your match but for now, have fun and before you know it someone great will come along!

xx MM

Eating Cake

27 Mar

“Let them eat cake.”
- Marie Antoinette’s response upon learning that the French peasants had no bread.

Hi everyone. You may remember me mentioning the state that I’m in, that being in amidst celibacy. Most of the time it’s ok, however on occasion my libido roars up inside me like a fire burning me inside-out.

Now don’t get me wrong- I do feel like this is good for me. I have this theory about people in general; it’s that we all have our drugs. While our drugs may not belong to a pharmacopeia of some kind, it doesn’t mean they are any less addictive. Your own might be chocolate, a good book, a good drink or if you’re like me, sex.

Getting back to my earlier point, my love for sex would consume me often and I couldn’t so much as hang out with a guy I’d already been with or was interested in without wondering when we were going to close the door behind us and grind up against the sheets. While it’s a far cry from what I was like almost a year ago, I still feel like I should just be able to enjoy company without feeling the insatiable need to be thrown down and fucked into a sweet moaning mess.

Nowadays, I’m not so motivated by sex. While it’s a possibility, it isn’t the focus of me hanging out with a guy I’m attracted to. I’m enjoying conversation, exchanging interests and just generally having a laugh with a gorgeous member of the opposite sex. It hasn’t been all bad.

However….

I miss partner sex. I miss blowjobs. I miss groping, biting, kissing, grabbing and screaming the walls around me to dust. I miss being in a mess of torsos, limbs and genitalia. I’m miss having my tits attacked by hands, fingertips, lips, teeth and tongues. I miss hands snaking into my pants, one finger caressing my clit until I’m a whimpering mess. I miss partner sex.

So I wank. However, I don’t wank as a last-ditch attempt at having an orgasm, I wank as a means of having the sex I want when I want it. It’s just like Flexibeast once said, it’s not a poor substitute but rather sex I want in its own right. In a nutshell, my rate hasn’t increased because of my lack of partner sex but it hasn’t decreased either because I value wanking highly.

So because I value it so highly, I’m going to share with you one such session that left me feeling a bit….well, if you read it you’ll know won’t you? ;)

Just to put you in the picture a bit, 5 months ago I acquired a knock-off of the notoriously powerful Fairy Wand as a kind of ‘My First Fucking Powerful Massager’ and while I knew it was going to be good, I didn’t expect to have seismic toe-curling, whimper-inducing, thigh-shaking, bone-rattling orgasms with it. In case you’re wondering, it’s become my favourite toy <3 .

So I was using that, my favourite Durex Play lube and my own dirty mind in a wonderful wank combo and with said dirty mind I managed to concoct this little fantasy that I definitely want to try out:

I’m on a bed, lying down on my belly with each of my limbs strapped to each corner so my legs are held apart. Some gorgeous dom(me) can be heard, wandering around the perimeter of the bed, menacing me with each footstep that reverberates across the floor with a clunk. Out of nowhere, they swing a leather belt violently, cracking me across the back, arse and thighs until my lily-white skin is decorated with a pink zebra pattern. I’m yelping with each assault until my yelps become whimpers and my whimpers become sobs.

“You’re not to sob.” They command.

I wipe my face against the covers and feel two knees, one after the other, stab into the bed with such force that before I can gasp, my hair is yanked back and I can feel them growling their words against my neck.

“You’re not to wipe your tears either.”

They bite the skin underneath my ear and I let out a strangled cry as the teeth digging into my skin goes straight to my pussy, already soaking from my beating. They sever the ties binding my legs.

“On your knees.”

I’m flesh, muscle, blood, bone and theirs, at least for now. They mark me with more bites. Harder. Deeper. I lean into the bedspread to keep myself grounded because if I don’t, I’ll be lost in a sea of the sublime. I can feel them pressing into my arse and some phallic object (either a cock or a strapon :) ) jutting up betwixt my thighs. They’re draped over my stinging back, their hands slithering around my front until they find their way to my clit. They drag their teeth up my spine, biting me sporadically until they guide my head up with their fingertips to kiss me.

They fumble with their zipper, rubbing my clit with a few fingers just to tease me. My breathing deepens as I’m unable to comprehend space, time, purpose, everything. Right now I’m personified pleasure; completely overtaken by it that I have in fact become it. Their cock slides into me without need for introduction and from then on, I’m a moaning, groaning, screaming, gasping heap, pleading to come.

So there you have it, just one of the many, many fantasies I use to entertain myself when I’m alone and feeling like I need a bit of attention ;) I may not have any bread, but right now I’m surrounded my cake and this cake is fucking delicious.

xx MM

How yummy does this cake look? Heheheheh!

And Now for a Jiz-y Interlude

16 Mar

Hey everybody! While this isn’t a full length post, I would just love to share with you my new love in queer porn. The ever-lovely Jiz Lee!

I find this frickin’ adorable.

Anyway, just letting y’all know that I am working on a post so watch this space!

xx MM

Back with the Awkward Diaries

7 Mar

Hi everybody! I know it’s been a long time but I’m back with my blog in 2011, thank Christ! I’ve been mulling over what to write for ages considering the following:

• The drafts in my folder are taking forever to complete, mainly because they’re loaded with juicy details- watch out for them because they’re too good not to complete, I’m just a bit blocked in regards to them at the moment.

• I am in the process of starting a uni degree, so I have a new hunting ground I need to scope out for new gorgeous types while still keeping some of my wickedly fun playmates (RSH, I’m talking to you honey ;) )

• I’ve had to sever a few ties in the past few months, due to random acts of fucking disgraceful behaviour, which is surprisingly not on my part. I have since cut RocknRolla adrift, the reason being that his version of ’keeping his options open’ was cracking onto a few of my friends behind my back and just being plain creepy. I could go on as there is more behind it, but the whole activity just makes me rage. While I’m not hating on the single folk by any means (duh, I’m one of them), there’s a reason he’s single and it rides on his aformentioned creepiness and generally just being painfully boring. Also Hentz, mainly because he’s a drug-fucked depressive mess. While I really want to care for him and show him that the world isn’t a toxic pit of hopelessness where drugs are the only thing that can help you cope, it’s truly difficult when your help is neither wanted, appreciated, listened to or even just plain fucking acknowledged. And I don’t need that shit in my life thanks. Yan is included in this list, mainly for being a drug-fucked pathetic mess also but then again, I wasn’t terribly interested in him. He started the needy, whiny ‘Why didn’t you notice me when I flirted with you ages ago?’ shit again. In the words of John Mellencamp, I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy, and he just doesn’t fit the bill. At all. I’ll stick to my vibrator thanks.

• There’s been no normal swing-of-things for ages because I’ve been on a well earned break, which includes going to parties, hanging out with friends, housesitting and just generally relaxing. Sorry to be selfish, but I’m back now and ready to tap out some sexual pearls of wisdom once more!

• I haven’t been with anybody in three months because of most of the above, ergo I don’t really have any new adventures to share. I’ve been in a state of celibacy for about 3 months, partly out of choice but mostly out of being that frigging busy I can barely concentrate on my libido, hehehe!

Now, clearing just one thing from one of my previous posts up, I now consider myself as not being a virgin anymore, the reason being that I had penetrative sex of course. I was mainly worried because I thought I’d fucked up a good thing with RocknRolla before it had started by having amazing but nonetheless random sex with Hentz when I specifically told him I was a virgin. In a nutshell, it was a case of ‘Oh fuck, what have I done???’ However, considering I never want to see the former ever again and am on shaky ground with the latter, I’m comfortable with having misplaced my royal cherry :) .

Since that’s settled, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m going to write about since I’ve been pretty much celibate for three months. How do the celibate folk write a sex blog? Well, one common factor I’ve noticed in the bulk of the sex blogs I read is that they rarely touch upon one vital thing:

SEX IS AWKWARD.

Not all sexual experiences no, but when you’re starting out with different things and learning different techniques, then yes, it’s totally awkward. I am in the same boat as the lovely Amie Wee (adorable!) when I say that growing up, my sexual education was, best put, sparse.

Of course I was taught the basics: “A man puts his penis in a vagina and if it doesn’t have a condom on it then BOOM! STI, a baby or both.” Pretty much. Nothing about anal sex. Nothing about oral sex. Nothing on gay sex. Sweet bugger all on sex toys, squirting, polyamory, gender identity, BDSM or even lubricant. Lubricant! One of the basics as far as I’m concerned; the slipperier sibling of condoms/dams. A few of my peers are STILL convinced that if a girl’s wet, she’s ‘good to go’ and that lube does nothing. They’re my age.

So, in case you’re wondering, I turned to books (kindly left to me by my parental units), porn, sealed sections in Dolly, Girlfriend, Cleo and Cosmo and even the odd episode of Sex and the City, all in the sole pursuit of finding out what the big hoohah was about sex. Soon, it was the sex blogs, and they opened up my knowledge even more. During all that, I jacked off so many times over until it came up to the real deal. But nothing, not the porn, books, seal sections, blogs or Sex and the City told me what Muffler from Another Gay Movie (so, so funny!) put so eloquently-

“Sex can be messy, kids. Full of penis drippings and ill-timed queefage and 31 flavours of genital cheese.”

Which is why I bring you this. My Awkward Diaries, or A Complete List of My Sexual Mishaps. I know there are virgins who browse my blog so there’s probably the odd researcher who wants to try something but has no idea to go about it. I’m not trying to be pompous and make myself out to be Belle du Jour or Mata Hari ie a sexual adventurer who has seen it all and done it all, but perhaps it might help the odd one out there to see that we all have our awkward moments during sexytimes, and here are mine.

Enjoy and hopefully learn.

The Awkward Diaries: Sucking Cock

I’ve started with this because with varying degrees, I still have problems with it. Not the actual ‘getting-into-the-headspace-of-doing-it’ part because I love it. I love wrapping my mouth around that hard hunk of flesh like a little coy slut.

However, that’s not to say I’m the best head giver in the world. I’m truly not, however I do make up for it in enthusiasm. The thing is one thing stand in between me and a wonderful cock waiting to be sucked. My gag reflex. My pain-in-the-arse gag reflex. I hate it. I hate it because every time I try to go deep, my eyes water and my throat constricts, causing me to gag. When I come up with the money, I’m going to see if I can have my uvula (ie the dangly ball at the back of your throat that triggers your gag reflex) surgically removed because it’s an annoying bitch of a thing that really doesn’t serve much of a purpose in my world, apart from getting in the way.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m becoming incredibly jealous of Belladonna, because not only can she take a great length, but have you seen her stuff with Lex Steele? Oh. My. God. Like a machine gun.

However, during one playdate with Major (one after many, many months of absolute zip, hence my nerves were on shaky ground), I learned that gagging was the least of my worries. Being as stubborn as I am, my logic was ‘Screw my gag reflex- I’ll just get him to push my head down when I’m ready then bring me back up when it gets too much, then have him bring me back up.’ Well, it worked the first time and when I wasn’t struggling to breathe, it was actually kinda hot, having him grind against my tonsils like this. Damn, I could get used to this!

Alas however, I couldn’t stay there forever and had to come up to breathe. His cock was all spitty and for a split second, I felt like Shy Love, stroking his cock while lathering my tongue over the head lovingly, massaging his balls in between my fingers. Now THIS was a blowjob.

However, the second time I did it, it wasn’t so fantastic. I went down and it was all fine but then I really needed to come back up, because the spitty strings I’d left before…well, they tasted different now.

I reeled back in horror. There were chunks in that.

Major kindly wiped off the tiny-but-noticeable strings of vomit while I sunk into my dark pit of extreme embarrassment.

And the Lesson Here Kids Is…

While it ties with my first ever attempt at sucking cock as the worst blowjob I’ve ever given, it did teach me a few things:

• NEVER try to force yourself to deepthroat when you are nervous and have a full stomach. The two really don’t mix unless you want to recreate HAI2U.

• Practise really does make perfect. If you have a guy, whether he be a playmate or partner, I can guarantee that most red-blooded males won’t turn down a good round of having their cock sucked. Even moreso, I know many that’d be glad to help out someone who wants to hone their skills, hehe! However, if you’re like me ie single and currently lacking a somewhat desirable male playmate, slap on a copy of Fast Times at Ridgemont High and practise on anything handy- a trusty vibrator/dildo or any phallic object you can find. Honestly, it makes a world of difference come playtime!

Hope you all took away something from that, whether it be a laugh or even just some comfort in my awkward experiences, hehe!

xx MM

Cocktailing

2 Dec

Hi everyone! I said I’d bring a sexy adventure so I shall. Alrighty, this one isn’t with RocknRolla as time and distance hasn’t agreed with us for a bit- the one time I’ve seen him he was somewhat occupied for most of it (he was playing in a tournament and invited me along- during every break he came up to me and we chatted. At the end we hugged and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was really chaste but so cute!) so at the moment, we’re not tearing off one another’s clothes just yet, hehehehe! By that definition, we’ve sorted out a few things- I like him and he likes me, but we haven’t necessarily hung out physically enough to see if we work as a serious couple yet, so until we do, we’re both pretty much free to have a bit of fun provided we don’t fuck one another around or forget that we want to be serious at some point.

So with that in mind, I headed down to my local watering hole under the invite of two of my drinking buddies- Yan and Hents. I must admit I’ve lusted after Hents for a while; he’s a witty chap who loves to pride himself on being a bit of a dick but having known quite a few dicks in my time, I know he’s not as horrible as he wants to present himself as. He’s quite funny and we have a lot of similar interest, so had RocknRolla not been in my life, I’d probably ask him out…..he wouldn’t take me seriously though, hehehehehe! No problem though, he’s fun to have a few drinkies with.

Then there’s Yan. I’ve been friends with Yan for ages but that’s it- just friends. He’s a funny and lovely guy but honestly, I can’t see myself with him and to be honest, of late he’s unnerved me a bit. In our last drinking session I began talking about my kinky tastes just as conversation and he became realllllly interested, even texting Major (he’s also a drinking buddy even though he likes to be a dick) later going ‘She was soooo into me.’ Um, no I wasn’t. No I wasn’t.

So anyway, I arrived and immediately Yan started treating me quite favourably, beginning to tell me how he’d lusted after me for years and asking why I never reciprocated how he felt. For one he’d never said anything and for another, we’re just friends and I’m no mindreader- I cannot read obscure signals or anything; if you like me, then tell me. So basically I was trying to keep him at arms length as much as I could without seeming standoffish, understanding exactly how Major may have felt. I was also telling him about RocknRolla and he found every reason to hate him- “Seriously, an hour away’s not gonna work. A boyfriend should be 10 minutes away, tops”- which was a warning sign as I used to pull the same shit with Major back in the day. In the meantime I ordered a few cocktails and became a little sozzled, at least enough to blame my affectionate nature on it. Major arrived after getting ready like a big primadonna (seriously, we’d been drinking for 2 hours after he texted me asking if I was going to the bar. It’s like drinking with Diana Ross) and I distinctly remember having my arms around Yan and Hents, having them rest on my boobspace. Major said he felt disturbed by it- served him right for being 2 hours late.

 Anyway, somehow I gradually managed to get closer to Hents ending up with us frenching one another in the corner- I never turn down a good round of frenching from a gorgeous chap such as himself! However, I felt a little bad for Yan- I know what it’s like to like someone for ages to never have them let on to your affections, so I gave him a kiss to at least sate his affections a little; with everything, at least he got to kiss me. However, my attention was diverted to Hentz, his nimble tongue definitely threw my mind into the gutter and the way he fondled my thigh gave me enough knowledge to see that his was too. Yan tried his luck at fondling my thigh too, muttering “I bet this is making you wet right now” Um, no….no it’s not. Now get away from me. Before long, we’d hitched a ride with a friend of ours back to his place with Yan and Major in tow.

The whole ride Major sat in between Hentz and I, so Hentz with this difficulty fondled my ears and hair which made me drip into my thighs. People underestimate how sexy the ears can be so feeling this was wonderful. I would’ve been shattered if I didn’t at least get another kiss, Vicomte de Valmont style of course, heheheh!

We arrived at his place and of course I looked for his room as quickly as I could. As soon as I was in there, I saw Yan and Major standing at the door and felt so very tempted to go ‘Um, fuck off guys!’ however soon Yan heard the gurgle of a bong and was gone (another reason he doesn’t interest me- is notorious for pulling cones on a frequent basis) and Major stuck around going “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Well Major, if you started blowing guys I’d be very surprised considering you squirm at the very mention of anything remotely gay and also I’m kinky, odds are I have already done things you wouldn’t do. It was sweet of him though, showing that he cared. All the warm and fuzzy feelings were replaced by warm and erotic ones however when Hents came back, kindly shutting the door behind him.

He sat down on his bed and I came over, straddling and kissing him back on the bed. He fondled my crotch and I took off my top. He was quite a good kisser and wasn’t adverse to biting me which I loved! I was wearing a leather bustier underneath which despite it’s six hooks, he managed to take off without any hassle. Soon his top was gone and I was happy- his body was thin and pasty, just what I love.

However, Yan being Yan decided to walk in shirtless halfway through, prompting me to cover my tits while Hents was above me. The drunken/stoned banter between them has escaped me however Yan proceeded to take his cock out, further prompting me to tell him to kindly fuck off. I was definitely NOT having a threesome with Yan, especially when I only wanted to be played with by Hents.

Soon my jeans and panties were off and I was left staring at the ceiling with a very gifted tongue working my very, very wet pussy. While I have received brilliant head off the female persuasion, this was my first hetero experience of wonderful, wonderful cunnilingus (there’s a little wet patch on my chair as I write this)- if we ever get to play again, then he’s heading south, that’s for sure. I had a new experience with cunnilingus also- teeth on my clit and lips and holyfuckinggod, just spectacular. However, I warded him off when the intensity became too much and I desired something in my pussy. His fingers were pretty decent, not as spectacular as Major’s but good enough to get the job done however no matter how fantastic it was, he’d suddenly stop.

“Hehehe, I’m a bastard.”

Yes. Yes you are, but you’re a sexy bastard so I’ll forgive you.

He removed his boxers to reveal one of the biggest cocks I’ve ever seen, so being as eager as I was,  tongued it as much as I could. Finally, in the line of men I have sacrificed my gag reflex for, one whose balls were clean shaven! Seriously, it was a spectacular relief to not have my mouth filled with shag-pile carpet, hehehehehe! What was also interesting was that he was naked also- I’d finally gotten naked with a male instead of just being naked in front of them.

I soon stopped beating my tonsils and soon he was on top of me, rubbing the head of his cock gingerly against my clit while devouring my neck, whispering sweet, dirty nothings along the lines of ‘You’ll never experience this’, referring to the no-fucking rule I’d established earlier.

Well….his cock was pleasing me wonderfully and let’s just say curiosity got the best of me. I permitted him to dip into me and ow ow ow ow OW! No one in my entire sexual education had explained that feeling your first dick downstairs feels like you’re being sandpapered internally. I ordered him to remove himself slowly as I fucking stung. While I loved to be spanked and bitten and would loved to be whipped, I don’t want my poor little pussy feeling like it’s being ripped in half.

Hents seemed like the guy who’d spent his teenage years masturbating with a death grip on his cock as he only seemed to come after beating himself with the effort of the Spanish Armada on a bad day. Nonetheless, it was fucking hot watching him gripped in so much pleasure as I nestled the head of his cock in my tongue, lapping up tiny splashes of warm cum off his chest a little later.

I don’t count this as losing my virginity, however I had a fuckload of fun. The evening later took a turn for the worse as a fight between Yan and Major soon broke out. Who’d have thought when you mix alcohol and weed and sensitive subject matter? Nonetheless, my night was pretty damn good.

xx MM

You Ain’t Easy…..

2 Dec

Hi everyone! My apologies for not updating in AGGGGGGES. I’ve gotten so many queries along the lines of ‘WHY HAVEN’T YOU UPDATED YET????’ so here the little boring bit. I had my exams as you know, and now they have finished it’s just been party after party after party- in the past 2 weeks I would have spent a total of 96 hours drunk so yeah….have been a bit whacked out of my mind with all the celebrating. Not just that, I’ve also been on a little week-long post-exam holiday with a few of my close chums, including the lovely RSH and where we’ve been staying has its wireless disabled; fuuuuuuunnnnnn…… But anyway, a few things have changed, both good and ok.

I’ll begin with the ok. Major and I have gotten to a stage where sex isn’t the cornerstone of our friendship and hence, can actually hang out as friends. I know what you’re probably thinking- ‘Oh Miss Magenta, you’ve said this all before and all you did was wander back to him, broken and hating yourself.’ Yes, I have said this before, but I didn’t bank on him wanting my presence for a little while longer. No, we found that solely being sexual with one another was detrimental to us both emotionally- I wanted something more serious as did he, just with somebody else. It stung like a fucker when we ended things altogether, but only for a couple of hours. To be honest, it felt like all the poison was coming out of my system and finally I could be free. Did I love him? Yes. I did, very much so. I still do, but now it’s more of a platonic kind of love, like I can talk to him about anything since having had him know me intimately. Plus truth be told, I’d be compelled to have his back no matter how much he hated me, not that he does. What I’ve found is that I don’t despise him for not loving me because it’s simple- we’re not meant to be together because we’re just too different and because I’ve accepted that, I can honestly say I am happy. We’re getting along better than we ever did and I no longer turn into the Jealous Cow from Horrible Town whenever I hear him talk about other women. We can hang out, talk, chat, watch movies, whatever…..if we end up screaming against one another’s sheets then so be it but we’re not using one another for orgasms and if they happen then great but if not, then great. So it’s not all bad, not bad at all.

Now onto the good news. When one door closes another one opens and that is so true now. While I revelled in my emancipation from loving Major and all the bullshit associated, he introduced me to a guy I know I’m going to have lots of fun with…but who I actually want to be serious with. His name’s RocknRolla, mainly because of his love of all the bands I adore and grew up with as a kid….including my favourite who no one seems to have heard of, let alone like. He’s a few months younger than me and hasn’t had his first kiss yet, nor a sexual experience of any kind. Somehow I find comfort in that, knowing that he can understand how I felt for so many years; that there’s no aphrodisiac like loneliness, as the Whitlams put so perfectly. So he’s in my life now, and while we are going to have a bash at doing all the normal couplely stuff i.e dating, we have of course talked about sex (I’m a nymphette, what do you expect?). What fills me with glee is that he’s actually willing to experiment with me- excellent considering I really, really, REALLY want something that’s a little left of centre. The only thing is he lives about an hour away which sucks but I feel that if I don’t at least try to make this work I’ll regret it because he is so lovely, funny, wonderful to talk to and just an absolute frickin sweetheart- a far cry from what I’ve experienced. It’s true y’know- something great does come along when you’re not looking for it, so keep your heart open for when it does.

Anyway, more sexy adventures coming right up! I know you’ve all been waiting for them and they’re coming.

xx MM

Here I Am….Playing the Same ol’ Chords Again…..

26 Oct

Hi all, just thought I’d hit you all up on where I am at the moment.

I am in the middle of a very long (but fucking sexy post) however I’m in the middle of some exams that’ll determine whether I’m homeless or a millionaire, heheheheh! In a nutshell, I’m basically locked in either studying or actually doing exams, so it’s going to be a while before you get to read my sexy adventures. Sorry about that, but if i could live in interwebzland forever, I would.

Will finish soon, probably in a week or so. Sorry again.

xx MM

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