Hi folks. I should warn you all now that this isn’t so much a sexual post per se but rather a post about me feeling a bit dumpy, a bit trackie-dacks-and-icecream-on-the-couch and a little bit marathon-of-A-Walk-To-Remember but ultimately, a little bit lonely.
We all feel it at one time or another- it’s part of life. Lately though, my own loneliness has been because of my status with a few close mates of mine, so I thought what better than to make an Awkward Diary about it because hey, there are times when we’re just thinking I IZ FOREVAH ALONNNNE and the interwebz just isn’t giving us the advice we want, so sit back in your favourite pair of flanellette jammies, grab that one litre tub of chocolate-cherry ripple (om nom motherfucking nom) and take a gander at the words of someone who knows how you feel.
The Awkward Diaries: Rejection and Loneliness
Like I said before, we all feel it at some point. Some of us feel it when we don’t feel our loved ones are paying enough attention to us while others feel downtrodden if the object of their affection returns their feelings with significantly less enthusiasm than hoped. I myself belong to the latter category.
I could go through scores of tales where my adoration goes unrequited; hey, it contributed to the body issues I had before The American showed me that once you get naked with someone, they’re not analysing the many things you find wrong with your body, but in this case I’ll write about a recent experience I had with a friend called Mops.
Mops and I have known eachother for a good 10 years and during that entire time, he’s always been this nice, polite, odd kind of guy. He’s the kind of guy who can have a drink with you, dance with you, make you laugh and console you later when you’re having a drunken cry (yeah, he’s done that.) Anyway, lately we’ve been hanging out a lot for some reason that’s somewhat inexplicable but appreciated- our chinwags have been notorious for going into the wee hours and it’s gotten to the stage where he’s one of my trusted confidante whenever life is flipping me the bird. He’s a mate, and a very good one at that.
However lately there has been some mild flirtation going on, mainly due to our mutual honesty about our sexual histories and it’s refreshing to finally find someone who is curious about what I’m into, why I’m into it and why I derive pleasure from it (he’s so vanilla and innocent 
). Because of that, the notion of us seeing one another for a good ol’ round of shagging came up. I didn’t answer right away, opting to ask myself a shit ton of questions along the lines of ‘Will this ruin a good friendship or strengthen it’ and later caved in…but not before he nabbed a girlfriend. As you can imagine, it was back to celibacy for me.
In a state of being iron willed, bought on by watching Easy A a couple of times, I decided I wasn’t going to let this Tim-and-Dawn faux pas come in the way of a good friendship, nor was I going to sink to the same lows as I did with Major; as long as she made him happy then that was the main thing. I hung out, chatted, laughed, confided, had him confide in me and it was just like normal. And then about a couple of weeks back, they split.
Well, as you can imagine two things rocketed through my mind. The first being ‘Aw, poor dear…wonder how he’s feeling? 
” and the second being “HOLYFUCKINGSHIT HE’S SINGLE! How long should I wait until I ask him out? 
”. I know, a tad disgraceful considering but instead of acting upon the latter, I listened to the former and to Mops as he retold the events leading to his breakup. He wasn’t absolutely distraught or anything so I offered to have a dance with him at the birthday celebrations of a mutual friend which were only just hours away.
Fast forward to the party- Mops is in significantly higher spirits (despite Major being in tow and criticising his outfit to the point of where he had to change; I was pissed at him for that) and we’ve all had turns tearing it up on the dancefloor, drink in hand. It was my first real clubbing experience and to be honest it took me a little while to piss my inhibitions to the wind and get loose; I’m more of a close-mates-and-movies kind of gal. But nonetheless I was having a pretty ok time until I started to get tired and bored; there’s only so many times you can listen to the same doof-doof tune and the same was played three times throughout the night. Way to go DJ.
Mops came over and sat next to me, all worried that I was sitting alone. The music was that loud that our following conversation was typed out onto our phones and shown to the other. I explained that I was getting a little bored and he explained his own grievances, one of them being that he was still unsure of what was going to happen with his ex. Maybe this was a stupid move but I kind of saw an opportunity and suggested:
“How about I take your mind off it?”
What happened next you might ask? Did it pan out smoothly as hoped?
“Sorry, I’m going to see what happens with my ex.”
And cue the dow-DOW music you hear on gameshows.
Of course I tried to cover my tracks, all “I was going to ask you for a dance but hey…” but even still, I did feel a little bit dejected. Not immediately hysterical, but even so, no one likes getting turned down.
So the rest of the night I was a bit bummed. Major was still doing a great job of pissing me off, but that may have been me being shitty already being made even shittier by his mere presence. I was soon taken home by a sober male friend who felt equally awkward in the club and after that, it was a little better; stimulating, intelligent conversation about film, art, music and books tends to do that to me. However, the day after I began to feel the pangs of loneliness as I thought about how long it’s been since I’ve had the company of another who’s seen me as something different than being “such a good friend that [I’m] like a sister!”
But…at that moment, my dog who is an affectionate, strange little guy jumped up next to me and started rubbing up against my leg, demanding backrubs and looking up at me with Puss in Boots eyes. It was then that I realised this:
I am needed and I am loved.
And the Lesson Here Kids is….
Rejection is shitty. Pure and simple. What’s even worse is not getting over it and moving on. You feel humiliated? Trust me, you’re not the only one who’s felt really small after having someone say they’re not interested in them. I myself have gone through a good 7 rejections, not including the above and with a far more brutal execution of said rejection. It sucks, but you’re not going to feel this way forever.
The first thing you have to do though is get feeling like crap out of the way. For me this includes curling up on the couch with icecream in trackies in front of a good movie with the iPod chockers full of mood music:
Good Mood Movies:
• Anything that makes you howl with laughter- it really is the best medicine. For me that’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Wedding Singer, Don’s Party, Along Came Polly, Wayne’s World 1 and 2 and Mrs Doubtfire to name a couple (seriously, I have so many movies!).
• A good teary if you just want to allow yourself to be sad for a bit to get it all out. I recommend I Am Sam for maximum bawling (cried credits-to-credits).
• Feel goods, no matter how cheesy they are- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Easy A, even The Banger Sisters!
• Your favourite because let’s face it, you’re hardly going to be disappointed by your favourite movie! Even Romeo and Juliet begins with Romeo being down in the dumps about his original love Rosaline buggering off to become a nun before BAM! He finds the girl he loves completely!
Good Mood Music:
Of course it depends on your music taste but here are a few songs I’ve thrashed away rejection:
• Soldiers by You Am I- my favourite song by my favourite band ever.
• I’d Never Write a Song About You by Wheatus- helped me through the ‘fuck you’ times.
• Furry Walls by Infant Sorrow- ok, it’s a movie band but I effing love this song!
• Save Me San Francisco by Train
• Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmerelda
• Suffragette City by David Bowie
• Yes/No by Jason Walker
• Better Let Go by The Pictures
• Born for the Nightlife by Declan and the Antics
• Ballroom Blitz by the Sweet
• Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie
• When Yer Sad by Tim Rogers
• Come Undone by Robbie Williams- if tears set in….
• Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners- Kevin Rowland makes everything better.
• Piano Man by Billy Joel
• Female of the Species by Space
• Dinosaors by Tim Rogers and Tex Perkins
• Back in Black by ACDC
• Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones
• Draggin’ Yer Bones by You Am I
• Like Humans Do by David Byrne
• Goodnight Boys by Tim Rogers
• Cigarettes and Suitcases by Something for Kate
• Good Mornin’ by You Am I
• She’s got Issues by The Offspring- I’m a sucker for early 00’s skate punk.
• Rose Tint My World from the Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen
• Friends Like You by You Am I
• Lonely No More by Rob Thomas
• We’re Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister
• One by U2
• Ballrooms of Mars by T-Rex
• Can’t Smile Without You by Sean Beal
• Play That Funky Music White Boy by Wild Cherry
• Gunslingers by You Am I
• Beer by Psychostick- literally impossible not to smile during this.
• Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones
• Open All Night by You Am I
I know. I’m a tad biased but hey, I love You Am I!
So I hope those help. The last thing to do (which will be hard I’ll warn you) is to count your blessings. You do have people that do love you and appreciate you- hey, one’s right here *hugs*! Just because one person turns you down does not mean that you are in any way undesirable and for the record, it’s their loss. You’ll find your match but for now, have fun and before you know it someone great will come along!
xx MM
Fuck, I want that pillow.